i want everyone who has never had a horrible disease or cancer to undertake chemo. see how YOU feel watching every moment of your life - and being sleepy - and being sick. and i hope you ENJOY waking up at 2:00 am and staying that way for 10 - 12 hours, exhausted but unable to sleep. and i hope you LIKE eating every 2 - 3 days.
i want you to hurt like i do because that’s the only way you’re going to learn. or not. maybe you’re so self-obsessed that nothing can hurt you, and you think you’re immune to everything that is less than how you see it to be: perfect in your mind.
I want you to hurt like i do.
i want you to hurt.
and facebook people (i hate “peeps”), notice how the beginning of this blog post resembles a facebook post? well it’s because there is not one piece of software or ria that i can find that will handle it all. soon…but not now.
i’m gonna go snuggle littler dog.
this whole cancer thing has made me have no choice but to do much further research into traditional and nontraditional medicine and drugs, especially after the sleepwalking incident (and i assume i’m no longer on the drug that caused it because i’ve not found my telephone on the bathroom counter buried under dirty clothes pulled from the laundry basket since that time). (sorry to those of you that think stage 4 is not unlike the typical pnw crud that hits each year and lasts no longer than a cheesy television miniseries. this ain’t no cheesy miniseries. you might want to take your head out of your ass before the next time you have to shit or you’re going to get a mouthful of what you spew.) now i admit i didn’t (until recently) rely on anything more sophisticated that googling [insert name of drug here], [insert name of drug here] + cancer, and [insert name of drug here] + cancer + effects. and i didn’t research those things i refuse to take, either because i don’t need them (like anything for nausea) or am just morally against ingesting them (like anything known to cause suicidal thoughs - sure, sign me up for a bunch of refills on that one). for some reason, though, on friday and after seeing the name of one of my prescriptions (that i don’t happen to take right now because i don’t happen to need it right now) on some newsy web site i decided to invest some time and play the google game. net-net?
i have a bottle of a date rape drug sitting on my kitchen counter.
date rape drug.
for cancer patients.
not to be used for raping dates, but be used for counteracting the effects of chemo cocktails - things like brain fog, excessive sleepiness/sleeplessness, general malaise, etc. oh it’s also supposed to be a powerful pain killer - but even my docs don’t not recommend taking them unless completely necessary.
i’m legally allowed to possess this drug, as is anyone whose doc is willing to give her/him a prescription. they don’t even require a signature to get the prescription filled.
so, let’s see…pop narcotics that, due to their minimal dosage, are somewhat potentially addictive - or pop something so strong that people use it to rape women with? if you even need to think about this for so much as one second you’re a scary, scary life-form.
just shortly after noon yesterday a cart filled with porta-potties went careening down the green. could there be any better an indication that today would be filled with the “non-norm” on the course?
somewhere around 10:00 today this indication became fulfilled. the course was suddenly filled with masses upon masses of non-typical duffers. these were younger (early 30ies to early 50ies, maybe), more agile, more coordinated - but equally as bad on the game front. and these were more “whimsical”, what with all the donuts they made their cushmans intentionally spin on the dry grass, and the races they ran down the green at speeds higher than are permitted on the surrounding roads and by other motorised cars. oh well…at least the beer in the beer cart was replaced with sodas for the occasion.
so here we are, mid-afternoon and the non-typical duffers are all but gone. there are a few stragglers wandering about, but i’ve a feeling they actually came to the course to play the game, not play *a* game. i would imagine the normal (geriatric) crowd will return shortly - and the beer cart will, once more, be stocked with beers.
if i’m going to go outside and get some fresh air i’d better do it now. i don’t like inadvertent target practice, especially when i’m the inadvertent target.