what i want

i  want everyone who has never had a horrible disease or cancer to undertake chemo. see how YOU feel watching every moment of your life - and being sleepy - and being sick. and i hope you ENJOY waking up at 2:00 am and staying that way for 10 - 12 hours, exhausted but unable to sleep. and i hope you LIKE eating every 2 - 3 days.

i want you to hurt like i do because that’s the only way you’re going to learn. or not. maybe you’re so self-obsessed that nothing can hurt you, and you think you’re immune to everything that is less than how you see it to be: perfect in your mind.

I want you to hurt like i do.

i want you to hurt.

and facebook people (i hate “peeps”), notice how the beginning of this blog post resembles a facebook post? well it’s because there is not one piece of software or ria that i can find that will handle it all. soon…but not now.

i’m gonna go snuggle littler dog.

and you wonder why Olympia only has two local taxi companies

http://tinyurl.com/r2ncyb

novaselic?

did he clean up his mouth?

did he clean up his hair?

did he don a suit and play nice-nice with the locals (one of which i got this from)?

or did the locals get dirty to play with him?

first bono.

then schwarzenegger.

now novaselic.

and you wonder why Olympia only has two local taxi companies.

why in the hell…

…do people call just after 3:00 to “announce” the doc can’t see me at the designated time - then after 7:00 have the answering service phone back with the original time?

well THAT didn’t work

sort of.

i had them run the dexi for an hour (instead of 30 minutes), in the hope that i wouldn’t sleep so much two days later. well, i didn’t sleep so much - only 8 hours - but not 8 consecutive hours. two hours here, two hours there. thankfully, Dewey (the book, that is) was around and kept me company. it really is a wonderful book. you should read it.

in other events, i have a gummy bandaid on. the nurse - one of my favourites - did not believe that i spurt. oops. i hope i didn’t get her in the eye. now i have to find replacements - and learn how to apply them.

and olivia is coming for a visit! little dog, little dog! i hope this helps. i’m feeling better than last time - but i’m not feeling that good right now. maybe cannibal will give me a break.

somehow, i threw the alarm. now you never think about alarm clocks, but i had no choice but to, given the fact that after not ringing at all it rang at 2:30ish am regardless of what time i set it for. i ended up buying a little one - only one ringer and sound. let’s see how this works. and hope i don’t throw this one.

thwump.  thwump. thwump. golfers don’t know how to golf - which is why my front yard looks like a playground. front yard. that’s right - front yard. not back.

sun showers. sun with rain. annoying! i went outside to get the water bottles and got deluged. now my socks are wet - and i’m too lazy to change them.

and to the box that was supposed to arrive NEXT week but arrived on the 29th: you’re lucky. just lucky.

stage 4 cancer sucks. this whole ordeal - which has gone on for almost a year - isn’t nearly as cute and cuddly as a new baby, or puppy, or kitten. it’s a lot of hard work.

i’ve had to shut off my bedroom phone to sleep (and yes, i do sleep).

i’ve had to shut off my bedroom phone to work (and yes, i do work).

i’ve had to shut off my bedroom phone.

but olivia is here and loving life. well, as much as a ten-year-old can love life. she’s relaxing in the living room and due to go out for her potty break. she has some issues - but nothing that can’t be taken care of by my vet.  she likes syddie’s bed. i was going to get her a new one, but she likes his. he didn’t. she’s really a little dog - only 12 pounds. but cute. pictures coming soon!

i need to sleep, but olivia will keep me awake. somehow, i think she’s just the ticket.

later…

well, olivia didn’t keep me awake. she stayed in syddie’s den. didn’t eat. didn’t drink. she’s back so far i can’t reach her.

smart girl.

or dumb.

whatever.

later…

i fell today. well, not really *fell* but went down on my knees and couldn’t get up.  i had to crawl over to my white chair to get up. embarrassing, yes.  but more humiliating than embarrassing. now i’m all crunchy.

truly, i cannot tell when someone is going to get sick during chemo. for the longest time nobody got sick - then two people in two consecutive treatments. one older woman coming back, and one younger guy starting (i think). the older woman required a doc - and she was trembling so. the younger guy should have but did not accept doctor’s services.

we don’t even talk about the young woman - a non-patient - eating eggplant  parmasian - something i would love to be able to eat but can’t because it tastes horrible to me, the nearly-vegetarian. and she was rude.

he had a fever of 102. they gave him tylenol.

well, that’s it for now. have to go coral the doggie. and sleep (despite the fact my new alarm is 8 minutes fast and can’t be adjusted - i should have read the recent reviews) .

why do people call…

…WHEN I’M WORKING???

here people: i work for 7:00 am to 3:30pm UNLESS i have a doc’s appointment or chemo. then i nap. then if it’s a day that i do eat i make dinner. if not, i have a life (well, as much of a life as someone with s4ibc has).

and i keep the phone in my bedroom shut off - but the phone in the living room is on full-blast so i can hear it.

gotta go…

pay it forward

C’s friend S is having a fun little game on her blog. I’m playing along. So this is how it works….. The first 3 people to leave a comment on this (my) post will receive a hand made gift from etsy during this year. When and what will be a surprise. there’s a small catch. you knew there would be didn’t you? post this on your blog then come back and leave a comment, telling me you’re in. fun, huh? remember, only the first 3 comments receive the gift.

i’m doing this for C, but i can hardly wait! etsy here i come!

did i tell you about the day…

…k and i threw all of my heels away???

i had to buy a few new ones but it felt good.

why is fluff in the kosher aisle?

so i’m scampering down the aisles looking for fluff and trying to come in at under and hour - which is when the taxi drivers come in to use the wash room and buy junkfood - i guess. so i check out and, when asked if i found everything i recall how i didn’t find fluff for my latest recipe.  the nice guy chose both types of fluff - the plain kind and the strawberry kind - since he had no idea what sort i needed (and regardless of the fact the strawberry kind was half the size and three times the price). so i ended up with fluff for my recipe. fast-forward to two weeks ago, when i was so dead tired from chemo and the taxi driver being an hour late. i wandered down the kosher aisle and low and behold there it was!

but where’s it gonna be later?

i would have thought with the peanut butter. makes sense, right? no…it looks as though the fluff is going to stay right where it is - or move off to “wherever” there’s a shelf.

i lost the recipe anyway, so i don’t need the fluff.

i throw a lot away, because i lose something or something doesn’t taste right.

in other news, two very nice LDS Elders showed up. ‘didn’t matter that they were 15 or looked to be 15, they were Elders - and nice. they volunteered to take out my trash or do anything i wanted. i declined, but was grateful for them. they didn’t want anything from me - just to talk. we didn’t even talk god. maybe it was because early on i told them i wasn’t interested - i just wanted to live a while longer. i don’t know the reason - but they were nice.

finally, lots going on at work and - bom bom boooommmmmmmm - i have to find the lenovo. i *think* it’s at the fedex near cabelas.

UPDATE: i found the lenovo. it *was* where i though it was. and i mailed the mac. this won’t work, but that’s fine. he doesn’t read the blog - or twitter - or facebook. which male does? J? he does - but that’s all. anyway, i did find the lenovo, mailed the mac - but it won’t work.

C & E mailed presents. see the post below. again, thank you!!! you have no idea how happy you’ve made me. now C, what do i need to do?

i’m pigpen to the 110th power! i spent part of this early morning scratching. and scratching. and scratching. my legs this time. made a hell of a mess. but…

…i do wonder why fluff is in the kosher aisle.

i’ll be going to the QFC tomorrow. i’ll look - and ask.

thank you!!!

to C. and E. thank you!

C: i just love the hat and scarf. how did you know it’s one of the colours i’ll wear???

E: what can i say but yum!!! i have my next chemo next week - so i’ll eat fast. i never realised how good caramels taste!

chocolate tastes good…

…but i still can’t eat much of it (only two miniatures per day).

my ears itch…but this will pass (i have the cut on my knee to prove that).

i cannot force myself to eat save for every three days (and doing so requires me to take prilosec and results in severe heartburn) - but at least i can eat sometimes. and i do take vitamins.

i have a headache.

the taxi driver was an hour late.

i met a guy who’s also open source. we laughed about centOS.

i slept, off and on, from thursday evening til saturday evening. so much for a holiday.

i have a headache.